At 18, I hang on to dreams from my father.

by Susan MigwiLife Errands

The old chap should be hitting 60 next year. He has grown a bit frazzled. His big belly that I used tease when I was five is gone, his shoulders that he carried me on, are now haggard and his hair has gone all grey. I no longer run towards him when I spot him coming from work; sometimes I don’t even notice he is home. He often times calls me Susan; which is a bit scary because he has called me kamtu kadogo all my life. He spends his evenings sometimes worrying about his sick mum and his silence nowadays is a bit too loud.

I am at least glad that nowadays he can easily open his emails even though I have to help type in the whole reply. I was surprised the other day that he could actually blue-tooth my mum a song. Then last Friday, he sent me a Facebook friend request which I canceled; I did not think even rethink it twice.

His Dreams.
A few months ago, I arrived home from school. I noticed the house looked different, the old man had finally decided to build a perimeter fence around it. But the word ‘decided’ here is a bad word; because after 14 years of living in a house not fenced, 8 of those in the same house not plastered, 4 of those with walls that have gaping holes and 2 more with a muddy floor…you just don’t decide; you make it happen even if your pockets are dented. That evening some two 20 year-olds passed by and started laughing at how the wall was weak. He didn’t notice..but I noticed a tear form in his eyes.On Jamhuri day, the old man bought chicken. His body can no longer withstand red meat.He told me to get a knife…and then like a man in deep thought he said, “Unfortunately, God did not allow me to sire sons. But he gave me a daughter whose heart is stronger than most young men and I must teach you these little manly tasks.” So off, I had to chop the poor hen’s head.I did not sleep for three days.

Earlier this year, on January 9th, he put on a suit with a white shirt and a red matching tie. His last daughter was reporting to campus and I suppose he wanted to show that he was proud.Throughout the journey, I noticed his hands trembling. At stops, he would shove back a misplaced hair strand on my head and continuously repeat that I have to work hard.

My My Life.

At 18, I am 40 years younger than my dad; yet his dreams are my dreams. I will probably be the one to finish building our house. The old man let me in also, a few years back that he would want to drive his own car again after almost 30 years; I will probably be the one to purchase this one.He insists that I should get a first class honors as well as become a fully certified public accountant in the next four years; In fact, he himself, tutored me on CPA section 1, he brags everywhere that I passed, even to lazy dullards who do not give a hoot. Though my law dreams are close to fading, the old man has insisted that I must become a lawyer. He never says it out loud though, but he buys conventional law books and makes a point of introducing me to a lawyer or two every now and then. He has a time limit too; a Ph.D. by 30.

At 18, the old man has ensured I know that there is a God who lives, who is to be feared. He is the same man who led me to the Lord when I was in class 2 and most importantly, he allowed me to know that there is such a thing as free will. That I can always leave religion when I want to and I can always turn to Christ when I realize He is the only one who remains true. I have grown to be a teacher like the old man. I explain scripture in depth to anyone who wills to listen.Sometimes I question my beliefs; then I remember the old man would refer me to Deuteronomy 30:11-14.

Well, friends, I have big tasks and shoes to fit in. It is for some of these reasons, I have no time for dunda on Fridays. It is for these same dreams, that I cannot have sex before marriage, after all, the much-hailed pleasure might just be 20 minutes of extreme work out and 10 seconds of seeing stars. It is for these reasons that I get chocked by the smell of weed, alcohol, and shisha…noo…there is just no need to smoke shisha. You wonder why I take months to post a single photo on Instagram, I just don’t find the joy of getting likes and a handful of DMs that I won’t respond to.

Of course, I am sure the winds may blow by. Someone will sweep me off my feet and for a month, I will not wake up to attend my 6:15 am morning classes since I will be way smitten. I am sure that a friend will drag me to a rave and the following day I will be nursing a bad headache. I am almost sure someone will offer me weed laced cookies or simsim..and I will spend the night laughing hysterically. I will tell you; these things scare me, they keep me awake on some nights.But at least I am aware of them.At least, I have dreams from my father to always bring me back to the light and to life; dreams that now, are my own dreams.

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Susan Migwi

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101 thoughts on “At 18, I hang on to dreams from my father.”

  3. I am sure fascinated by this piece.Now Susan this is the right track though many may say that belonging to this alcoholic stuff is somehow classy and belonging.At least am happy that you knkw amd you wont fall prey of the same trap.
    Now that you have dreams ;chase them and never relent in your pursuit.Make him proud.
    Kudos!🙌

    Reply

      1. Such a raw and honest piece, I feel like most posts dedicated to bloggers’ fathers contain too much praise for them, not that its bad but once in a while you need to read something real.
        Don’t succumb to the pressure of this world honey, just do you, I think the coolest people are those who are able to stand by their values when everyone else thinks otherwise.

        PS: You don’t sound like an 18 year old. Are you really 18?

        Reply

  6. Susan, this is such a beautiful piece. Don’t ever lower your standards, make your father proud. And what he said is true: you are stronger than any man out there. God bless. 🙂

    Reply

  11. It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that they are difficult.
    You hold your life in your hands and don’t allow anyone to torment your focused mind.
    Always give a smile and a silence because thats what successful people always give out.
    You have the capacity, potential and ability to do and become whoever you wishes. Your dreams are valid.
    Keep praying, you never know how or when God will answer.
    Be the pillar of you family and Daddy’s life, don’t let him down
    Success in everything yo do.
    Be Happy
    Be Yourself
    📝

    Reply

  12. This is A Piece. Not a piece if writing; but a piece of you. A snippet into the depths that are Susan Migwi. A fragment, raw and delicate yet highly explosive, of the thoughts, memories and experiences that make you who you are.
    Not all heroes wear capes. I can see one right here.
    This. Is. Beautiful.

    Reply

  14. Wow! I could literally see you and the air of determination that’s always around you through out the piece. Deep.

    In the words of Walt Disney, “All dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them”. Since you have mastered your reality, with the understanding of the task ahead… May God give you the courage to persue your father’s dreams-your dreams amidst all the hullabaloo around you…

    PS:Your writing skills are on point! Keep on and God bless!

    Reply

  16. Our “miles Monroe” is at it again 😊
    Must say I am proud of you girl👍
    That’s one heck of an awesome piece 👌
    Grow wiser and be sure to make daddy proud 😉

    Reply

  18. Susan!!!..

    I have read all of your articles…and I have to say this is my favourite so far…
    Honestly, you are an exceptional person. I’ve always known that since the day we met..I hope you achieve all your dreams. And those of your dad.

    Deshkie😍…mapenzi tele!

    Reply

    1. 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈Thank you deshkie…for all these awesome words…and always reading this blog.I always pray for you too..to achieve all your dreams.

      Mapenzi tele too 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈

      Reply

  21. waaoh I love what am reading…Reading I can see fragments of who you are and what has made you…looking forward to reading many of this.

    Reply

  22. Wow !This is great
    Your perspective is dope..i must say your aura is incredible
    I know you’ll make your dad proud
    Great work Susan

    Reply

  31. If others were like you this earth would have been a paradise so do not relent
    but keep the good works rolling,
    because there is a great reward both the heaven and on earth.I love your article.

    Reply

  33. It is for these reasons that I get chocked by the smell of weed, alcohol and shisha…noo…there is just no need to smoke shisha.

    We’re in the same league. The smell of alcohol gives me headaches. Reminds me of all the practicals that involved ethanol way back and I always got out of the lab feeling sick.
    In fact, he himself, tutored me on CPA section 1, he brags everywhere that I passed
    Speaking of CPA Hebu tell me how they are…

    Reply

  38. Sue, as much as you are funny, and subtle in the way that you deliver your own unique voice, I am always waiting to hear whats happening around. Keep writing, we as readers will just listen and be inspired.

    Reply

  40. Wah susan!!!… You amaze me. I love this piece of literature. Keep on with the good work dear and make your Papa proud

    Reply

  45. Susan, this is a great piece as it is full of passion and many raw emotions. I’m looking forward to reading your other posts in the near future. Keep dreaming and work toward those dreams.

    Reply

  47. I couldn’t even get through all the comments because I couldn’t wait to say that THIS. THIS RIGHT HERE is absolutely amazing. And you are eighteen!!🙌🙌 I would love to meet you sometime.
    The honesty,and mostly, the ablitiy to see a father’s thoughts! Becuse they rarely do show them afterall…

    Reply

    1. Hey, Thank you, Angela!!
      Well, I am now 19…haha
      Thank you for your kind words.
      I am ready to meet on any day!Just hit my dm

      Reply

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